Some Things Never Change

High school was, for me, a time of much turmoil. I have been thinking back on those years lately, probably due to the fact that I have been spending so much time thinking about school in general. As I have reflected on my experience so many years ago, I find it interesting that some things just never change, no matter how old you get or what your circumstances happen to be.

Back in the days of school dances, football games, and weekend parties - life seemed so complicated. As a teenager who was trying to figure out what I was about and where I fit, the halls of my high school seemed to be ever closing in on me. There was an abundance of judgement and so little acceptance. There was always an unwritten order of things - the popular people, the nerds, the jocks, the country kids, the stoners - which often left a person like me wondering exactly where I belonged. I spent years trying to discover my identity - afraid to be different - always worried about what people thought - and never truly discovering happiness. Too often, I let my perception of what others thought about me become my identity and determine my self worth.

Upon leaving high school, I thought that some of that social drama would dissipate - that people would be more accepting and open to new ideas and different people. To my disappointment, I have not, in my experience, found that to be true. I married shortly after high school and have since lived in several different states. I continue to find the same pattern, though it is sometimes more pronounced or more subtle, depending on the mix of people. There are always going to be those who have a hard time finding their niche and spend a great deal of time and energy trying to fit in or worrying about why they are not included. There are going to be those who may only have a few friends, but who are content to be who they are in their small social circles. There is always going to be the group of people that seem to be a little bit untouchable unless you meet an unwritten criteria. There are going to be those rare individuals who are somehow able to span a variety of different groups. This is, by no means, a comprehensive list. It takes a variety of people and personalities to make up a world, and you will find them wherever your travels may take you.

I have often felt what it feels like to be on the outside looking in - wanting to be included but not knowing quite how to receive that honor. Although those times were difficult and I wouldn't want to relive them, I am grateful for them now. Time and experience have given me a different perspective than I had then. I am no longer so worried about what others think of me. I have, though much prayer and effort, been able to find peace with who I am. That has opened up a whole new world for me - complete with a knowledge that differences can be blessings, and it is not necessary to whittle myself away to fit somebody else's expectations.

My simple wish is this - that there could be more unity, love, and acceptance, and less judgement and exclusion. I wish that there was less of a feeling of competition - making it seem like one must have certain possessions or look a certain way in order to be accepted and loved as an individual. I wish that nobody would have to feel the way that I felt for so many years - unsure of who they are, wondering if they have any worth as an individual, and convinced that they will never make the cut in such a competitive world. To those people I would say - there IS life beyond high school, even though so many of the social patterns remain the same. The best years of your life await you. The Lord has power to heal a broken heart and to literally change it - making it possible for you to see yourself in an entirely different light, regardless of what other people around you may think. And, that, my friend, is where peace and happiness lie in abundance. I know that because I have experienced it. Perhaps your struggles will give you strength in the future, as they have for me. I don't think I could have come to the point I am at today without the years of struggle. And, I don't know if I would fully understand how the Lord feels about me, as his daughter, had I not spent so many nights on my knees, pleading to know if I could really make a difference in the world, even in some small way. From this I have gained the absolute assurance that the Lord knows me, loves me, and has a plan for my life. It is my wish that everybody could know that for themselves. It was that knowledge that was the catalyst for change in my own life, and it could be in yours as well.