I have made an extremely astute observation that I am downright horrible at making decisions. I think I have already talked a little bit about that in a previous post, but it is sure staring me in the face right now. I worry so much about making the "Right" decision that I can't seem to come to any conclusion at all. I analyze every possible angle and look at every possible scenario that I can imagine, which amounts to mere confusion and inability to move forward with anything. Now, I am not talking about the normal everyday decisions, such as what to wear or what to do with my "spare" time that is usually scarce. Instead, I speak of those decisions whose outcomes could potentially have a major impact on life.
This is the time of year in which I am always forced to re-evaluate the educational choices that I have made for my kids. I do wish the decision could be as easy as sending them to the public school down the street. But, for me, it is not so. Our experience with said public school was anything but impressive, which caused us to look at other options. So, for the past few years, we have been playing this "game," for that is truly what is feels like. I am grateful that we have more options. The trouble comes in trying to figure out which option is best for all of my kids, who are all so different. Trying to figure this out every year (because every year more options become available) is a major source of stress for me. I wonder if I make too much out of it. I want to make sure that I am giving the kids the best opportunities for education that I can provide, but at what cost? I am not referring to monetary cost - but in time, travel, etc.
For the past two years, we have had the kids at a charter school that is about 20 minutes from our house. They are all doing well and loving it, so we are happy there. However, the commute gets tiresome. This year we had our 6th grader closer to home at a new charter "prep" school. He was set on going there, so we let him test the waters for us to see if it was an option for the rest of the kids (they offer grades 3-10, with hopes to add the younger grades in the next couple of years). It has been a good fit for him, but I'm not sure about staying there long term. I have my reservations and I'm not sure it will be good for all the kids. In the high school grades, the curriculum is very difficult, but offers no AP option. They will be taking very difficult classes, only to retake them in college because there is no option to get college credit. That is a major drawback for me, among other minor ones. I could move my 2nd and 5th graders there next year, but I'm really dragging my feet on that one. Oh, how I would love to have them so close, but it comes at a cost that I'm not sure that I'm willing to pay. The strip mall style school (which it is) does not cut it for elementary kids, in my opinion.
Now, another option has presented itself. A new 5-12 grade charter is opening in partnership with the elementary school that the kids currently attend. It's Tucson counterpart has consistently been ranked in the top 10 high schools in the country by Newsweek and US News and World Report, even earning the top spot one year. Their curriculum sounds amazing, and it will be right down the street from the elementary school. Why wouldn't I try to get the boys in there for next year?!? What an amazing opportunity. I'm already making the commute.
Here's where things get sticky in my mind. I would love to give them this opportunity, but its complicated. If I move them again, it has to be for good. I can't keep playing this game because it is absolutely not fair to the kids. But, I have always hoped to have them closer to home, which would be possible at the prep school that my son is currently attending. I get a pit in my stomach thinking of committing to keep them all there for the long haul. This other school sounds perfect, but what if it is not all it is cracked up to be? I would be committing to that commute at least twice everyday for the next 15 years to get my youngest through high school. Carpooling would be difficult because not many people have room for 4 extra kids in their carpool. It would fall on my shoulders. Then, what about Seminary, which is currently early morning? That is only a couple of years away. How would I work out the logistics of getting kids to seminary and then to school? (The church is almost 15 minutes from our house in the opposite direction.) What about after school activities in high school? I can already see that I would eventually get tired and want to move closer to the schools, leaving my husband to commute, which would not even be a big deal to do once a day. It's the two or three times that will get tiresome! However, he is completely opposed to the thought of moving at any point in the future, unless it is to another house in our town.
Am I totally blowing this out of proportion, because I think that is a very real possibility? Education is important, but other things are as well. Am I just seeking for the perfect school that doesn't exist? But, what if there is more to it that that? What if it goes beyond education to people and experiences that will only be possible under certain circumstances? My parents lived here for 10 years while I grew up and graduated from high school, in which time my mom desperately wanted to move. Almost as soon as I left for college, my dad got a job in another state and they left. But, living here allowed my path to cross with my husband's, and the course of my life was drastically affected. What if they were here for me, at least partially? It was worth the sacrifice, if that is the case.
There I go again. . . analyzing and trying to figure out the future. Perhaps that is my problem. I have never been good at accepting the unknown. That is where faith comes in, and I need to have more of that, which brings me to my whole point. (I know, most of you are probably not even still with me - but it was therapeutic!) Yesterday I was reading in Matthew 6, and a particular scripture made a big impact on me. It talks of the lilies and the birds and how the Lord cares for them just as he will care for us if we trust him. But, the verse that grabbed my attention was verse 34.
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow will take thought for the things of itself."
How simple, yet how profound! I just need to trust that the Lord will provide for my tomorrows. I know that he will help me to make the right decision for my family, even if it takes me awhile to figure out what that is. If the decision about which school is that important, he will let me know. And, if not, and the decision is up to me. . . heaven help me!!!!
