In the Meantime

Life is all about stages.  There are so many of them it is hard to keep up sometimes.  Life is constantly changing.  Whereas a few years ago my life was all about trying to keep up with several preschoolers, now it is about being there for my kids who are getting older and facing much different challenges, as well the younger ones who need me in a different way.  It is about trying to find the balance between being there for them and letting them learn to stand on their own two feet.  It is about remembering that I am not too busy to spend time with my toddler, who will soon be gone at school everyday.  It is about keeping my focus as a parent - remembering what my job really is when things get tough - to raise them to be strong in the gospel and contributing members of society.  It is not about giving in to keep the peace at any price.  It is about leadership - about compassion - about teaching them who they really are as children of God and what amazing potentials that they have.

But, sometimes I feel like the daily grind starts to become my identity.  I feel like I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, and a friend - but who am I really?  It is easy to lose sight of the dreams that I have for myself when the demands of family life seem, at times, all consuming.

Don't get me wrong - I love what I do each day.  I have wanted to be a wife and a mother for as long as I can remember and I wouldn't trade that for anything.  I feel like I am making a difference - at least in the lives of the precious spirits that were entrusted to my care.  But, sometimes - I want to do more -

The lyrics of Jenny Jordan Frogley's song In the Meantime say it much better than I can. . .

In her heart she holds the dreams
That she's carried since the day she turned 13:
Of all that she would be when she was grown;
Of all that she would do when she was finally on her own.
She dreamed she'd fly
& she's still waiting for the chance to try.

In the mean time, she's a mother & a daughter & a wife,
Doing all she can to stay above the daily grind
& she wonders when she'll ever have more meaning in her life.
She doesn't know she's being molded & refined,
In the meantime.

Someday she'll go back to school,
when the carpools & the soccer games are through.
'Cause deep inside she's still the girl,
Who has always felt the fire to make a difference in the world.
She dreams she'll soar,
when she finally has the time to do more.

But, in the meantime, she's a sister & a teacher & a friend
& hours turn into days that turn to years that never end,
But she wonders when she'll ever really find herself again.
She's becoming one on whom God can depend,
In the mean time.

Heaven feels the joy of every victory in her life.
And Heaven hears her heart before she cries.
And somewhere in the middle of the triumphs & the trails,
She's becoming sanctified.

But, in the meantime, she's an answer & blessing & a gift
To every empty, aching heart that only she can lift.
Still she wonders if she'll ever get to see where heaven is—
If only she could see her mansion waiting there.
If only she could feel how much her Father really cares.
She would see how she's being perfectly prepared,

In the mean time.

This opportunity to be a mother - to play such a vital role in teaching these precious children all they need to know in order to fly on their own - is a blessing beyond compare.  Sometimes it is easy to get overwhelmed with the demands and forget who you are as a person.  But, these years pass so quickly.  This is the most important thing that I could be doing right now, and I know that the Lord is counting on me to get it right by doing the very best that I can.  The lives of my children are at stake, and I am a key player in the game.  But, that doesn't mean that my individuality is somehow lost.  Someday I will have more time.  But, when all is said and done, I am still me.  I have an identity outside of all of the different roles that I play for others.  And, perhaps, those roles are molding and changing me into exactly what the Lord needs me to become.